A Domestic Entry for Criminal Justice Darwin Awards

Granted, I am bending definitions at this point, but there are levels of stupidity that ought to result in one's elimination from the gene pool.

George Wills and Robert Catalano thought they had a great business plan (or so one assumes). After all, thousands of men were in positions where they were having to provide random U/A's and law enforcement has come quite a long way in detecting most of the commonly-used dodges. So Wills and Catalano founded Puck Technology, whose most touted product was the Whizzinator.

The Whizzinator is the ultimate solution for a drug testing device," says a statement on the website of the California-based company, which calls itself the "undisputed leader in synthetic urine."

"The prosthetic penis is very realistic and concealing is simple, while our quality production and materials assures you that the Whizzinator will let it flow again and again, anytime, anywhere you need it!"

Wills and Catalano just entered guilty pleas to federal criminal charges and will be sentenced in Pittsburgh in February. They face up to eight years in prison for each count.

So, reading the excerpt from the BBC story, who can spot the "stupid criminal trick"?

If people had common sense, trial lawyers everywhere would be out of work

According to reporting by the BBC, a couple in Arkansas is suing McDonald's for emotional distress, embarrassment, and damage to their reputations.

What happened?

Well, apparently the husband left his cell phone at the restaurant, and the employees there did not keep it safe for him like they supposedly said they would. Photographs were downloaded from the phone and posted online along with contact information similarly gleaned from the phone. There was not indication in the reporting if the website in question was run by a McDonald's employee, ex-employee, or just some customer who grabbed the phone.

Now, acknowledging that it is often the case that there is more than meets the eye to most of the "outrageous" lawsuits that the media reports on (do we really need to discuss the hot coffee case again?), I do have to note that the exercise of a little common sense on the part of the plaintiffs could have prevented this entire brouhaha.

All the wife had to do was follow one simple maxim: "Do not send nude pictures of yourself to your husband's cell phone."

It's important to know the difference between can and should

The fact that you can legislate something does not necessarily mean that you should.

Quite the contrary. The ability to promulgate rules and laws is as much a summons to caution as anything else.

Not that we ever heed that summons . . .

The European Union recently had to scrap a set of regulations it had put in place in efforts to ensure a common base of quality for produce throughout a Euro-zone. A laudable goal, but - as is often the wont of such things - the regulations got more detailed, by an order of magnitude or two, than was strictly necessary. Not only were taste, quality, and other issues actually relevant to food the subject of a detailed set of rules, but European produce had to meet certain size and shape standards, leading to 20% of produce in the Euro-zone failing to make it to market. Let's repeat that once for emphasis, shall we? Fruits and vegetables were failing to get to the grocery store because they were oddly shaped.

Thankfully, that bit of regulatory overexuberance is in the process of being curbed.

I got better

One thing that I take a fair amount of grief over is my utter and unshakable belief in the power of redemption and the potential of rehabilitation. Frankly, I don't know that I could do my job if that weren't an article of faith with me. That being said, it is still lovely when I run across a story that demonstrates that my convictions in this regard are more than pie-in-the-sky optimism.

Whaddya know

It's nice to know that my migraines just might come with some health advantage.